Everything I had accomplished from the earlier parts of #theROYCEproject was put to the test last August. I just got out of my first semester in law school, and while not all of it was pretty, I got through it. A month into it, I was so close to giving up. I knew what giving up felt like, and as much as I hated that feeling, I equally hated how difficult school was, and I had no other choice but to go through it. For a while, I hated myself, too, because I should not have been feeling that way. From my five days in the last law school I went to, I had a taste of how hard it was going to be, and I spent a whole year preparing myself mentally, and convincing myself that it only gets worse from there.
I also thought of how grateful I should have felt. So many others would kill to be in my position. Not a lot of us get to go to law school in the first opportunity, let alone a second one. I owe it to the people who support me to do well. While this was not the best line of thinking, I went with whatever would make me stay because I also wanted to do it for myself. This is what would make me happy. This is why I’ve been stepping on weighing scales, jumping off mountains, stripping down to my underwear for a photo shoot—I needed to do this, and I did. Well, the first semester, at least. I’ve started to enjoy it, too, because after midterms, I found that I was pretty good at it. I don’t regret leaving the first law school I went to. It took whatever I went through—leaving, spending a year depressed, and doing something about it—to believe that I am capable of doing things I thought I couldn’t do.
I’m not going to apologize for my three-month long absence from #theROYCEproject because I ran out of things to do, so I took a break. In reality, I was supposed to get a tattoo to address my fear of long-term commitment, but I had a beach trip planned for the week I was supposed to get one. If I had gotten one anyway, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the sea because I wouldn’t have been allowed to get my new tattoo wet. Even when I returned, I found that I couldn’t afford to get one, and I can’t allow myself to borrow money from my savings just to do it. Plus, I wasn’t even sure if I could get one because of the restrictions for getting into the Bar.
Less than two hours after hurdling over my last weekly challenge, I received my next one. The law school I applied to emailed me to inform me of my admissions interview, which was scheduled in three days. As if that alone hadn’t already made me anxious, I got another email telling me that I, along with all law school applicants in the Philippines, was required to take another exam. The results of that exam were going to be sent to my law school as an additional requirement for my admission.
I’m not going to lie; I allowed myself to get into a panic attack. At that point, after nearly a year since dropping out of law school and three months of doing #theROYCEproject, I still didn’t have a clear reason for going back, or for pursuing that career. My hair was also a crazy shade of purple, and thinking about changing that back to black for the interview when I still wanted it to be purple slowly killed me.
This week’s challenge was more of something I wanted to check off of my bucket-list than something I was scared of doing, but it still scared me, nonetheless. Except for me and my younger sister, my family are licensed scuba divers. I hadn’t thought of getting certified myself because I’ve been told that because of my weight, I would only have a hard time trying to scuba dive. With the progress I’ve made in becoming a healthier person, however, I found the courage to go for it anyway, regardless if it’s going to be challenging or not. As I’ve said previously, anything that’s going to stop me from being me is not worth a single mili-second of my time.
I come from a family where you are told who you are and whom you’re supposed to be, what you’re good at and what you’ll fail in. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but sometimes it gets complicated when the person whom you’re supposed to be isn’t the same person whom you want to be. Take me, for example. My grandparents and my mom insist that I’d make a good lawyer because my only talents are speaking in English well and arguing with customer service representatives when the Internet is down. While those are talents that I do possess, they don’t necessarily lead to me wanting to become a lawyer. Don’t get me wrong; I want to be a lawyer, but given the freedom to choose my own career path, I would have rather spent the last five years on a pre-med course because I like helping people. If only they saw that I’m actually a kind-hearted person, instead of the evil, soulless bitch that they condemn me for being, things would be different. Unfortunately, they didn’t allow me to go to the pre-med school because that false persona of me didn’t fit in that environment.
This week’s #theROYCEproject is extra special because I went to Tokyo, Japan! I didn’t go to Japan specifically to do #theROYCEproject, but because my aunt was participating in the Tokyo Marathon, and I was part of her official support team.
We had a few days to explore Japan before the actual marathon, and I came across the paragliding experience advertisement while I was booking a Mt. Fuji tour for my mom and my aunt. This had been on my bucket list for half a decade, ever since I saw it in the movie The Intouchables. And why wouldn’t it be on everyone’s bucket list? It may be the closest thing human beings could do to have working wings, and the views were sure to be breath-taking, not only because they’re beautiful, but because you’re thousands of feet up in the air with nothing but a parachute and the wind to keep you afloat.