8 Jan – 14 Jan 17
Let’s get one thing straight: I am not athletic. My body is not built for me to be athletic. I have always been
a the fat kid, and being bullied for it throughout my whole life certainly discouraged me from doing something about it. A tragic fact about the people in my sphere: they laugh at me for trying to change. It’s gone as far as being told that I’ve gone way beyond the point of having a “normal”-sized body. So why did I sign myself up for a 5K?
Frankly, I’m done with being told what I am and what I am not capable of doing. Even I don’t know because I let myself get discouraged every time I want to try something new. I know it’s bad because I started talking myself out of things, convincing myself that what other people say about me is right, so I have nothing to lose. Except… I do have something to lose. I may let go of the opportunity to become my best self, to do things I’ve only dreamed of doing, and to prove to myself that I can run a fucking 5K.
I signed up for the run about twenty minutes before getting off of social media for the first week of #theROYCEproject. Until two hours before of the run, I didn’t realize what I signed myself up for. When I saw the stage set up and how the 21K runners were warming up, it just occurred to me that I had to actually run 5 kilometers today, and when I had that thought, I wanted to get back in my car and drive myself home.
Then I stopped myself. What was I afraid of again? Didn’t I train for this last week? Why can’t I be excited for myself? I was doing something good for myself, after all. And that’s what I did. I walked to the starting line, smiled, and ran for my life.
There’s no simpler way to explain how I felt than to say that I had a good time doing this. The lack of pressure from the run being a non-timed race pushed me to take my first step, and the energy of it being a color run kept me going until the very end. Throughout the run, I kept telling myself, “this is what living feels like.”
I couldn’t be prouder of myself for accomplishing this. Once I got my medal, I immediately planned on doing it again sometime later this year, and wished to do a 10K next time. I figured, I shouldn’t let anybody define what I can and cannot do, nor should I let my body do the same. It’ll follow with my antics some day.