I have one New Year’s Resolution for 2017: every week, I have to do at least one thing that scares me. I got the idea from my Strategic Management professor some two years ago, but I don’t really remember why he gave the class that piece of advice in particular. It must have been something about steering life away from routine, but even without his reason for advising that, I’ll take it! It’s pretty exciting, to be honest. As a writer who constantly runs out of content because I have three blogs that isolate bounded parts of my life, doing something like this gives me something new to write about.
While the name for the project took inspiration from one of my favorite TV shows (Mindy Kaling, please don’t sue me), the project itself took inspiration from me. I’ve never had anyone else to look up to except for myself. All of the “inspirational” people on TV are either too nice or secretly crazy, remarkably intelligent and evil, and all of the fat people are losing weight. As I am not smart enough to be a level of evil that gets away with being evil because what I do is cool, nor do I have an active intention to lose weight, I figured that I may as well be known for something else entirely; having my indescribable but definitely unpleasant personality and being fat will merely be coincidences. To cut the long story short… since I can’t find people to inspire me, I’ll inspire myself.
I’m not doing this just for fun, but having fun while doing it is one of the goals of the project. Aside from that, I’m doing it in preparation for my return to law school. Six months ago, I had already started going to one. I went in totally unprepared, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I went through a severe anxiety attack. I dropped out on the sixth day. Looking back at my mistake, I realized that fear was the only thing that stopped me from trying at all. I was scared that I made the wrong decision accepting my offer of admission because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to become a lawyer. I was scared of embarrassing myself in front of the whole class if I had gotten called to recite and had failed to answer the question. I was scared that I might actually go through it, pass the Bar exam, and eventually hang myself in an office twenty years later because I went for a career that was chosen for me but not necessarily the same career that made me happy.
I don’t want to be scared any more. The time between dropping out of law school and now gave me a clear space to re-evaluate what I want to make of my life. I now regret leaving law school without giving it a chance because I do want to become a lawyer. My reasons for wanting to become one are irrelevant to the project, but the ultimate goal of this project will help materialize those reasons. I want to be ready when I go back to school; I need to be fearless for it, and I’m going to make it happen through this.